Behind the Boring Promises: Democracy’s Hidden Radicals
By Vera Candane & Chook Litchelm
“They look ordinary. They sound ordinary. But ordinary is the new dangerous” – Minister of Democracy
They look ordinary enough – a parent, a farmer, a business manager, a university retiree… but ‘experts’ warn these Better Waipā election candidates maybe hiding something far darker than vintage tractors, crocheted blankets and cake-baking: independent thought.
Undercover agents inform us ‘critical thinking’ (an outdated habit) has reappeared during certain unapproved Community Hall events. Worse, some Better Waipā candidates have been caught asking Official Information Act requests; unacceptable conspiracy-theorist behaviour that could spread if not immediately stamped out.
Subversive language has also been reported to the Ministry of Truth: words like ‘transparency’, ‘accountability’ and ‘choice’ have been used, despite these being deleted in the latest edition of the Council-approved fact-checking online dictionary.
Despite their repeated Thoughtcrimes, these Better Waipā candidates cleverly blend-in: playing sports at the weekend, shopping at the farmers’ markets and socialising with friends at the local cinema. But beneath their community camouflage, lurks the dangerous idea that democracy means participation and – most alarming of all – voters can decide for themselves. Continued non-compliance may lead to all Better Waipā candidates having to attend compulsory re-education programmes.
Better Waipā presents campaign signage with troubling phrases such as ‘Better Roads’, ‘Reduced Council Debt’ and ‘Controlled Rates’. But these proposals are designed to lure the unwitting voter into the heretical practice of independent decision-making and free, informed choice. Who knows what dangerous path this may lead us to?
We need to trust the professionals: current councillors and mayors have mastered the art of doublethink and cancel-culture. Waipā doesn’t need change, The Ministry of Civic Stability ensures us we need continued mounting rates-rises, never-ending tokenistic consultations, more $millions on consultants fees and continuous unnecessary cycleways and roadworks.
As one concerned Council analyst stated “if this trend continues, anyone might think they can stand for election, where would we be then?’
The Ministry of Acceptable Candidates declined to comment as we went to print, but one truth remains: democracy is safest when ordinary people don’t use it.
